How to Maintain Harmony with Healthcare Disagreements

Navigating philosophical healthcare disagreements as parents can be challenging, especially when spouses hold opposing views. Approaching these differences with sensitivity and a willingness to compromise is crucial for maintaining a harmonious relationship.

Six Steps to Start With

Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge and (try to) respect your partner’s perspective. Understand that their views are shaped by their experiences, values, and beliefs. Avoid dismissing their opinions or labeling them as “wrong.” Instead, listen attentively and try to comprehend their reasoning.

Next, focus on finding common ground with your husband or wife. Identify areas where your views align or overlap. This could be a shared desire for quality healthcare, a concern for your children’s well-being, or a belief in preventive care. By highlighting these shared values, you can create a foundation for constructive dialogue.

Open and honest communication is paramount re healthcare disagreements. Express your own views clearly and respectfully, but be prepared to listen to your spouse’s counterarguments. Avoid using accusatory language or blaming them for their beliefs. Instead, use “I” statements to convey your feelings and perspectives.

“A conflict is like an SOS emerging from the recesses of your relationship … its purpose is to alert you that something needs attention.” —Judith Sherven, PhD, and James Sniechowski, PhD, Be Loved for Who You Really Are

Consider seeking professional guidance if necessary. A therapist or counselor can provide an impartial perspective and facilitate a structured discussion re medical disagreements. They can help you identify the underlying reasons for your disagreements and develop strategies for resolving them.

Remember that compromise is often necessary in marriage. It doesn’t mean abandoning your own beliefs but rather finding a solution that accommodates both your needs. Be willing to adjust your expectations and explore alternative options that meet your spouse’s concerns.

Finally, prioritize your relationship above all else. Healthcare decisions should not become a source of conflict or division. By approaching these discussions with empathy, respect, and a willingness to compromise, you can navigate these challenges and strengthen your bond as a couple.

When your children believe your spouse’s falsehoods

It’s concerning when a spouse’s alternative healthcare views negatively influence your children. Here are some tips to mitigate the impact:

1. Open Communication:

• Talk to your spouse: Express your concerns about the influence their views have on your children. Emphasize the potential negative impact on their health, social relationships, and academic performance.
• Talk to your children: Have age-appropriate conversations about different perspectives on healthcare. Explain the importance of critical thinking, evaluating sources, and seeking information from trusted professionals.

2. Counter Misinformation:

• Provide reliable information: Offer accurate and age-appropriate information from credible sources like the CDC, WHO, and your child’s pediatrician.
• Teach critical thinking skills: Help your children develop the ability to question information, evaluate sources, and identify bias or misinformation.
• Encourage respectful dialogue: Teach your children how to engage in respectful conversations with those who hold differing views.

“If it’s not worth breaking up over, it’s not worth arguing over.” —Tony Gaskins Jr., Make It Work

3. Set Boundaries:

• Limit exposure: Minimize your children’s exposure to sources of misinformation, such as unreliable websites, social media groups, or individuals who promote unsubstantiated claims.
• Create a “science-safe” zone: Foster an environment at home where scientific evidence and critical thinking are valued.
• Monitor online activity: Supervise your children’s internet use and be aware of the content they are consuming.

4. Reinforce Positive Influences:

• Strong role modeling: Demonstrate your commitment to evidence-based healthcare by making informed decisions and seeking guidance from trusted professionals.
• Positive peer interactions: Encourage your children to engage with peers who value science and critical thinking.
• Support from educators: Inform your children’s teachers about your concerns and work together to address any misinformation spread in the classroom.

5. Seek External Support:

• Family counseling: Consider seeking professional guidance from a family therapist to navigate disagreements and improve communication.
• Support groups: Connect with other families facing similar challenges to share experiences and strategies.

Remember, addressing the influence of misinformation requires patience, persistence, and a commitment to open communication and critical thinking.

When your spouse’s views embarrass the family

It’s may frustrating enough to have to listen to your spouse’s conspiracy theories and poorly-informed ideas at home; it may feel worse once they have a larger audience.

Your husband or wife may truly be experiencing the Dunning-Kruger effect of cognitive bias (they don’t know what they don’t know and so their views make perfect sense based on their limited depth or scope). They may in-fill gaps in their views by blaming things on the “hidden hand,” people that are secretly running society, or other myths.

“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.” —Joseph Joubert, Pensées

But what happens when those unusual views are shared outside of the family? How does it make your family look to the rest of your relatives, community, peers, or neighbors?

How do these views impact your children in the school yard?

It’s understandable to feel embarrassed or frustrated when your spouse’s public views on wellness seem alien (using buzzwords like “jab,” “big pharma,” or “experiment”) and your ensuing healthcare disagreements create social difficulties for your family. Here’s how to navigate this delicate situation:

• Open and Honest Communication: Have a calm, private conversation with your spouse. Explain how their public pronouncements are impacting you and your family. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and concerns without attacking them.
• Understand Their Perspective: Try to understand the root of their beliefs. Are they misinformed? Fearful? Empathetic listening can help you address their concerns more effectively.
• Set Boundaries: Agree on clear boundaries for discussing these topics publicly. It’s okay to request that they refrain from sharing their views in certain social situations or online platforms to minimize family embarrassment and conflict.
• Focus on Shared Values: Remind your spouse that you both want what’s best for your family. Emphasize the importance of making informed decisions based on reliable evidence and your children’s well-being.
• Seek External Support: If communication breaks down, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide tools for navigating disagreements and improving communication within your relationship.
• Protect Your Children: Shield your children from any negative social repercussions. Explain the situation age-appropriately and reassure them of your love and support.
• Lead by Example: Model responsible healthcare practices and decision-making for your children. This demonstrates your values and provides a counterpoint to your spouse’s views.

Remember, changing someone’s deeply held beliefs is challenging. Focus on protecting your family, maintaining open communication, and setting clear boundaries.

Expert Advice

Foster Open Communication and Shared Understanding

Dr. Douglas Diekema, a bioethics expert, emphasizes the importance of understanding the roots of healthcare disagreements. He advises parents to explore each other’s values and perspectives, as differing worldviews often underlie healthcare conflicts. Recognizing these differences can help identify common ground or correct misunderstandings, leading to more effective resolutions.

Seek Common Goals and Professional Mediation

The American Medical Association suggests that families work toward shared objectives and consider involving neutral third parties, such as healthcare professionals or ethics committees, when disagreements become unresolvable. These mediators can facilitate discussions and guide families toward decisions aligned with the child’s best interests.

“What if every moment of conflict is a chance to make your relationship even stronger?” —CrisMarie Campbell, The Beauty of Conflict for Couples

Encourage Compromise and External Support

According to the Taylor Counseling Group, professional family counseling can provide an unbiased perspective, helping parents navigate emotionally charged healthcare decisions. The process involves focusing on shared priorities and ensuring all parties feel heard while maintaining the child’s well-being as the central focus.

Each approach underscores the value of collaboration, empathy, and external guidance when needed to ensure decisions are both informed and respectful.

Resources

• 3 things parents should know about complementary and alternative medicine – Harvard
• Alternative healing or quackery? – CNN
• Talking with Vaccine Hesitant Parents – AAP
• Working with vaccine-hesitant parents: An update – CPS
• Techniques and Talking Points to Address Vaccine Hesitancy (pdf) – NY State, Mount Sinai