10 Ways to Calmly Talk to Your Children About School Shootings
The rise in school shootings in the United States has left many parents grappling with how to address this distressing topic with their children. As of December 16, 2024, there have been at least 83 school shootings in the U.S. this year alone. While these conversations can be difficult, they are essential to help children process their emotions and feel safe. Below are some strategies to calmly talk to your children about school shootings, providing them with reassurance and understanding.
Create a Safe Space for Conversation
Children need to feel that their emotions and thoughts are valid. Start by creating a space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. Dr. Robin Gurwitch, a child psychologist, emphasizes, “The most important thing you can do is listen without judgment. Let your child lead the conversation and provide support where needed.”
Use Age-Appropriate Language
Tailor your conversation to your child’s developmental stage. Younger children may only need simple reassurances about their safety, while older children might ask more detailed questions. Avoid graphic details, but be honest.
Focus on Reassurance and Safety Measures
Explain the safety procedures in place at their school. Emphasize the roles of teachers, administrators, and first responders in keeping students safe. According to Dr. Jamie Howard of the Child Mind Institute, “Children feel empowered when they know what to do in an emergency. It’s okay to talk about drills and other preparations.”
Address Your Own Emotions First
Children often mirror their parents’ emotions. Before discussing school shootings, take time to process your feelings. Show calmness and confidence to provide the reassurance your child needs.
Encourage Questions
Children might have many questions, ranging from “Why does this happen?” to “What can I do?” Answer honestly but gently, avoiding overwhelming them with unnecessary details. It’s okay to say you don’t have all the answers.
Limit Media Exposure
Continuous news coverage can heighten anxiety. Monitor and limit your child’s exposure to graphic images and sensational reporting. Instead, opt for thoughtful, age-appropriate discussions about the issue.
Teach Empathy and Kindness
Focus on promoting a culture of kindness. Helping children understand the importance of empathy can empower them to build positive relationships and contribute to a safer environment.
Normalize Their Feelings
Fear, sadness, and confusion are natural responses. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel upset. Share your own emotions to demonstrate that they’re not alone.
Highlight Helpers
Discuss the roles of people who work to prevent violence and assist during crises. Emphasizing the good people in the world can provide a sense of hope.
Follow Up Regularly
One conversation is rarely enough. Keep the lines of communication open, checking in periodically to see how your child is feeling.
Also see: How to Explain Death of a Grandparent to a Child
FAQ for Parents
How do I know if my child is ready to talk about school shootings?
Look for signs that your child is curious or concerned, such as questions about safety or behaviors indicating anxiety. Use these moments to initiate a calm discussion.
What if I don’t know the answers to their questions?
It’s okay to admit you don’t know. Focus on reassurance and let them know you will find out together if needed.
Should I bring up school shootings if my child hasn’t?
If your child seems unaware or unaffected, consider their age and exposure to news. You can gently ask open-ended questions to gauge their thoughts without introducing unnecessary fear.
FAQ for Kids
Why do school shootings happen?
Sometimes people make very bad choices when they are angry or upset. This is never okay, and many people are working hard to stop these things from happening.
Am I safe at school?
Your school works very hard to keep everyone safe. Teachers, principals, and police all have plans to protect students.
What should I do if I’m scared?
It’s okay to feel scared. Talk to a trusted adult like a parent, teacher, or counselor about your feelings.
More Resources
- ‘No Way to Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
- National Association of School Psychologists: Talking to Children About Violence
- Child Mind Institute: Helping Kids Cope with Tragedy
- Sandy Hook Promise: Preventing Gun Violence in Schools
- American Psychological Association: Resources for Managing Trauma
- The Trevor Project: Crisis Support for LGBTQ Youth
Noel offers actionable tips and strategies for managing everyday challenges. His articles often focus on topics like routines, discipline, and effective communication.
